Spoke. Too. Soon

It seems I spoke too soon about feeling so well. I decided to go pain med free and within a week the pain is back and is super intense. I HATE the meds I am on, HATE them. I don't like the way I feel. I can't stand without feeling like a juniper in a windstorm, my dexterity is compromised, I cannot complete a full sentence without stuttering and my body jerks and ticks like I am on crack or something.

It's annoying, humiliating and seeeeriously hurts my self esteem.

Not being able to articulate a thought is the worst part. I sound like an idiot. It's terrible.

Trying to stay positive is hard sometimes. Even for me.

I know this blog is typically sunshine and rainbows but right now I am just gonna beg for your good thoughts and prayers.

Please.

My Doctor is has prescribed a new med for me. This med is typically used for depression but is also often used for nerve pain. I am hoping it will not only help the pain but will make me feel better about life in general.

Have you talked to your Doctor about the shingles vaccine? DO IT!! Typically shingles happens after the body goes through stress (like mine, almost dying) or a long hospital stay (like me 7 days ICU) but it can be picked up ANYTIME the immune system is compromised.

The pain is HORRIBLE...do yourself a favor and do whatever you can to avoid it!

March is filled with things to look forward to:

(no particular order)

1. weekend in Monterey for a wedding/getaway with the hubz.
2. SPRING!!!
3. weekend in Hollister to see my adorable niece perform in Annie (my sis is the musical director too) and spend time with my family, who we haven't seen since November
4. Big Daddy has 2 weeks vacation
5. Stay-cation goodness
6. I WILL be better, the new meds will work and prayers WILL be answered
7. My folks come home from their 2 year mission in Colorado
8. I get to send my Favorite Things to a bloggy friend
9. I get to open a bloggy friend's Favorite Things that she send to me

OK I ended it all on a high note. Blogging IS healing, thanks for listening!!

I already feel better

Still Standing

A few weeks ago I received a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of flowers from my folks and my sister Meg's family. It was nice. REALLY nice. I mean I had been home from the hospital since Thanksgiving and they thought enough to send flowers. Love rolls in quickly in all forms when you are in the hospital or are fresh home from the hospital. People forget about ya after a while, I mean you are home, you must be well right? Well you know from my previous post that once I got home it was still one thing after another. Sure I wasn't dying, or at serious risk of dying, but I still wasn't well. And honestly not being able to do anything for yourself and being stuck at home once people stop dropping in and calling can be depressing. And when the diagnosis of pneumonia came on top of shingles, and diabetes and almost dying, I was sad sad sad...and was feeling VERY sorry for myself.

Soooo when the beautiful bouquet came of HUGE yellow gerbera daisies, and little yellow and white daisies with a lemon floating inside the vase. My heart smiled. The card was darling, and about the lemons that life was sending my way and that I needed to get my squeeze on and make lemonade (it was more creative than that, but you get the idea). The flowers really lifted my spirits. Not just because my family loved me enough to send me something bright and cheery but because suddenly I didn't feel forgotten.

Those flowers have all died now...except for this one Gerbera Daisy...hanging on and bringing me sunshine everyday. I move it around the house wherever i am. I ask J to move it for me too, she calls it my "happy flower".

I can relate to this flower. I should be dead, but I am not. And even though I have more bad days than good right now, I know that soon I will have more good days than bad.

So I am gonna try and keep a sunny face...like my gerbera daisy. I am going to remember that even though the phone has stopped ringing and I am not getting any floral deliveries, that I AM in people's prayers. I KNOW this, because I am getting better everyday, and that is miraculous.
PS. Jordan has been praying every night for me and she said the other day when I did something that was more "like myself" that made me laugh. She said, "uh oh looks like someone is starting to feel better, I guess my prayers are good!" AMEN to that!!

So HERE is what happened..all of it

I have had so many emails and phone calls asking about my hospital stay. I realize I have been all over Facebook updating daily but neglecting my blog TOTALLY. Hopefully the details here will explain why. I hope to get back to blogging VERY soon I am even thinking of doing a Favorite Things SWAP (on a small scale) to help distract me during my recovery.

well its kinda detailed but...back in August i got a really bad burn, from my curling iron, on the back of my neck. it took a loooong time to heal (silly but important detail) Then in October i got a really bad kinda wicked cold...kicked my butt, big time...unlike any cold I've had, and it would NOT go away. THEN in November i got a little bump on the scar, from the burn, on my neck...it hurt, like BAD and over the course of the weekend it went from a small painful bump to the size of a orange. bizarre and painful. so i went to the Dr. she put me on an aggressive antibiotic and gave me vicodin for the pain. i went home and slept...and slept and slept. Big Daddy just came in and gave me meds and helped me to the bathroom thinking the vicodin was really messing me up. i drank a gallon of water through out the course of the night. the pharmacist had told him that i might be very thirsty and a little loopy from the vicodin. somewhere in the middle of the night i got super hot and refused covers even tho Big Daddy said my body was freezing to the touch. THEN in the morning, after he took Jordan to school, he called the advice nurse and she said call 911. the last thing i remember was him coming into the room and getting me dressed and carrying me down the hallway to the front room. i don't remember the paramedics, ambulance ride or the first 2, of 7 days in the ICU.

basically i was an undiagnosed diabetic and because of the infection in my neck my blood sugar was off the charts in the 500s and my body temp was 31c. they called it diabetic keto acidosis i was closer to death than life for almost 24 hrs. most people don't come back from that and they told Big Daddy, it was a miracle.

so my body is kinda messed up because of almost dying and the time in the hospital. my vision is impaired, my motor skills like walking, holding things without dropping them and even fine motor like opening packages, buttoning, zipping etc are impaired. i have a lovely stutter now and then and i can barely get a full sentence out before my mouth won't keep up with my mind. the Dr says it could take as long as 6 months to get "closer to normal".

i had surgery on my neck. they removed about 2 inches deep of tissue. i got released the day before thanksgiving. Big Daddy learned how to "pack" my wound and changed the dressing 3 times a day. he has been a pretty good nurse and has even learned how to cook (cleaning, not so much). J has been a real trooper, doing whatever she can to help out, great kid!!

Then the day before Christmas Eve i got some HORRIBLE pain from my belly button to my spine on my left abdomen...just in that space and then within 24 hrs a really bad rash formed...SHINGLES...lovely. i guess it happens sometimes when a body goes through such stress...lucky me. worst pain ever...shingles attacks the nerve endings..horrible. i am STILL having pain, the rash is gone but the pain is still there...annoying. the meds i am on for the pain are causing "the leans"...i just fall over when i walk. and of course i cannot drive. i really can't do anything. i am not the kind of girl who sits around. i actually cook for my family every night. so this is hard for me.

THEN a week or so ago i was diagnosed with pneumonia after a chest xray was ordered when i was having a hard time breathing...CRAZY. its just one more thing...depressing. so more meds and more issues.

sooooooooo that's what has been going on here...

my diabetes is already totally under control thanks to meds and diet, and because i am awesome like that. i haven't had to take insulin much at all...giving myself a shot in the tummy is bizarre... its type 2 diabetes so it can be fixed/managed just by a healthier lifestyle...so i am watching my carbs and already doing really well with my glucose around 70-90 most of the time. and as a bonus i have already lost 26 lbs...sitting on my couch watching TV. LOL

I know this was long, but i have had so many emails asking and I thought i would just try and cover it all here. I am determined to get well...i am really over it. My little family went to lunch and a movie Saturday and it nearly killed me. my body paid for it for sure. but i NEED to get out of the house.

Also I just wanted to thank everyone who has sent cards and flowers and Good Mail...y'all rock. It has all truly lifted my spirits and I need that right now.

PS. the next time you see your Doctor ask about the Shingles vaccine...not kidding, I do not wish this pain on anyone! I would rather be run over by a mac truck.