What Would You Do?

"As children get older, their skills increase and their ability to make more complicated decisions increases as well. Learning how to make good decisions and to problem solve is a way to build mastery skills. One way to practice this with your older children is to play What Would You Do?"

What Would You Do? is a Fishful Thinking activity that gives your family the foundation to problem solve.

This is an activity that I wish I knew about a few years ago when we had a confusing, sad, and kinda horrible incident happen in our home, with one of J's friends. I feel we would have been better prepared on how to react, feel and maybe even help.

I posted about it on my blog waaaay back in June of 2008. It started some great conversations and I was soooo blessed to have so many amazing bloggy friends who offered heartfelt advice and support.

Here is the post...I just copied and pasted to save you from clicking...you. are. welcome.

Advice Needed...a post from 6/1/08

I really do not know what to do, this might be a bit long but please read and let me know if you can help me.

Y'all know J had her Popsicle And Pool PARTAAY! yesterday. Well she ended up having one of the girls stay after the party and she ended up sleeping over. The girls had a great time, lots of giggles and late night antics. This particular friend use to go to school with Jordan but once we got Jordan in her new school, last year, they only ever see each other if Jordan has a gathering and sends her an invite.

ANYWAY...something kinda horrible happened, something unexpected and really uncomfortable and i have no idea how to deal with it....

i was helping "Friend" gather her stuff because her mom would be by shortly to pick her up and i wanted to make sure she was ready. i noticed that she had all of her things (wet swim suit, with dry pj's etc) shoved into a torn grocery sack.

So i grabbed a bag and said, "Friend, you go get your towel off the fence by the pool and i will get your wet stuff and dry stuff separated". Friend came running past me in Jordan's room and planted herself atop the bag. She said, "no that's OK i will do it".

And a baaaaad feeling filled the room.

So i said, "Oh i don't mind helping you, it's OK" and as i said that... one of Jordan's belongings fell from her sack. She looked up at me and i calmly said, "oh well, that's not suppose to be in there, is it?"

Friend stared me down, her face said it all, there was more in the bag.

So i asked, "are there more things in the sack that should not be in there?"

Friend said, "No, we were playing with those last night and it must have got in there by accident."

So i said, "OK then, just let me just separate the wet stuff from the dry stuff and you can go get your towel."

She tried really hard to continue pulling wet stuff from the bag without anything else falling out. She was unsuccessful. 2 more of Jordan's belongings fell out.

She was caught.

Jordan walked in then and saw her stuff on the floor and the look of confusion and sadness on my little girl's face broke my heart.

Big Daddy came around the corner as Friend walked out of the room to get her towel. I waited until the back door alert sounded, knowing she was out of earshot, before i said, "Friend was trying to steal this stuff."

Big Daddy was shocked, Jordan was shocked and i had no words.

Friend brought her towel in and we added it to her bag.

She sat in silence in our front room waiting for her mom. Jordan tried several times to just chatter on and make conversation as they waited. Friend sat stone cold, angry expression looking out the window, no words.

I finally went in and asked, "Friend are you embarrassed that i found Jordan's things in your bag? Are you mad now? Do you want to talk about it? Are you worried i am going to try and get you into trouble with your mom?"

Nothing, no answer, no change of expression...silence.

A few minutes later Friend's mom pulled up, Jordan rose to give Friend a hug goodbye, Friend pushed past J and ran to the car. I waved to her mom and they drove off.

After she left Big Daddy and J asked for more details.

i explained everything to them.

Big Daddy asked Jordan what she thought. She said, "I don't know how to be friends with a thief".

We had a long talk about what happened and how we felt sad about it, because they had such a fun time together.

J expressed concerns about trust if she ever had Friend over again and how she felt sad that Friend left without hugging her goodbye and that she was worried that Friend was mad at her.

Tonight when Jordan said her prayers she asked that Heavenly Father "help Friend not to steal things anymore, from anyone, ever."

I don't know what to do. Do i call her mom? Do i just let the friendship go? They only ever see each other if Jordan invites her to a party, they don't even live in the same town. So now what? i am torn because i know i would WANT to be told if my child ever pulled anything like that. But i am not so certain this mom would care, she is kind of a hot mess herself, it's actually kind of sad.

So now what? What would you do in this situation?

UPDATED to add: here is the follow up post to that post, a few people have asked.

The support and feedback I got was a post in and of itself....click HERE to read the words of love and advice.

Fishful Thinking is an amazing parenting resource. You can learn more about raising positive, resilient, emotionally aware, empowered kids by clicking on the fish on my sidebar.

We have been playing the What Would You Do? game as Summer approaches and we do what we can to prepare J for her first year of high school...and for the rest of her life, really.