Potty Talk

i never thought i would be posting about "potty talk" i mean i am NOT in the midst of potty training anyone and Jordan has forbidden me from sharing ANYTHING that could possibly be deemed "private, not for public" on the blog about her soooooo...this is about ME (lucky you)

Paul and i are in the market shopping in the produce dept. picking up some "Broccoli Woky" (cut perfectly, bagged and ready to toss in the wok) when a cute blond in her 20's (CB20's) comes up to us...

CB20's: can you help me? i have a question about avocados
Me: sure
CB20's: if i am making dinner on Wednesday how should i pick out the avocados?
Me: well just try and pick some that aren't too squishy and you should be OK
(and then it hits me, this horrible smell, someone farted and it was NOT me)
CB20's: (not seeming to notice the stench) great, thanks i will do that! i appreciate your help!

as soon as she is out of ear shot i look at Paul and say....cuz i CAN'T not say SOMETHING:

Me: dude, she totally farted
Paul: really are you sure?
Me: unless it was YOU
Paul: no it wasn't me (and it hits him) whoa, that's bad!!!

we kind of shake our heads and gag a little and go on shopping...

yea we are totally mature like that.

we get home and i am unloading the groceries and Paul is standing there helping and i smell something...BAD...the same smell i smelt in the market and CB20's was NOT in my kitchen so i say:

Me: YOU DID fart in the market!!!
Paul: ew no, i really didn't, why would i lie
Me: well it smells the same and it was NOT me
Paul: oh yeah i smell that too
(then i realize it is the Broccoli Woky)
Me: oh my gosh it's the Broccoli Woky!!
Paul: (sniffs it) oh yea it totally is!
Me: (realizing it was NOT CB20's) OH NO! she is probably thinks it was ME!! AND now she is probably home blogging about it. (i just pray she did not have a camera phone to take a pic of the "farter" in the market)

oh man...i. am. totally. lame.

THEN later that night we decide to go to Denny's...yea you heard me, fine dining. We order and then Paul gets up to go wash his hands. we are seated close to the bathroom so i can see him walk in and out of the bathroom. when he gets back he reports:

Paul: they have auto sensor hand soap dispensers
Me: cool (not really cool, but how am i suppose to respond?)
Paul: yea BUT you have to turn on the water AND crank the paper towel dispenser, so what's the point?
Me: yea, you are all about the germs...you need help (OK i was just thinking it i actually said:) hmm weird (cuz again, what should my response have been?)

and i got up and went to the bathroom to wash my hands and came back and we enjoyed a lovely meal at Denny's. as we were finishing our meal i noticed a girl walking to the bathroom and was shocked as i saw her enter the wrong door...well i was shocked for a minute and then i came to realization the i HAD USED THE MEN'S ROOM!! i had gone in, washed my hands and came right back out and NO ONE said anything to me. i told Paul what happened and he just LAUGHED at me, he had not noticed.

wow. i. REALLY. am. lame.